First,
view the video below. Then use your blog to describe an example of a successful
conflict resolution that you have either witnessed or participated in. What
was the conflict? What role did you play? Who were the other participants in
the negotiation? Knowing what you know now, how might you have changed your
actions or improved the solution?
There is no doubt that
people have mixed feelings about conflict. To many, the word “conflict” represents
anger and hostility. For these individuals, thoughts of conflict may initiate
feelings of fear and dread. Other individuals see conflict as an opportunity to
collaborate, learn, and discover new perspectives. The tension between
intellectual acceptance of conflict and emotional rejection of it further complicates
the subject (Whetton & Cameron, 2016).
All of us have
undoubtedly experienced some type of conflict in our lives. In some cases, this
conflict presents itself in the home environment and in others it is generated
in the workplace. I was recently faced with conflict at work and it caused me
to struggle more than I ever have, despite many years in this career. Just over
one year ago, I started a new job within my company. Previously, I negotiated
contracts supporting the sale of aftermarket aerospace services. These services
included things like pilot training, airplane software, interior configuration
retrofits, and maintenance training. After spending three years on this type of
contracting, I was promoted to a new organization to contract for the sale of
commercial aircraft. I knew this job role would bring with it more stress but was
excited to join a more elite team and was ready for the increased responsibility.
What I wasn’t prepared
for was the difficult personality I would encounter in my new managing
director. My new director had a reputation for being tough, but I thought I
would get along with her just fine as long as I worked hard and showed my
dedication to the organization. I was wrong. I got the feeling that Ann just
didn’t like me, no matter what I tried to do to change her impression. After
several months of trying to change her mind, I talked to another executive in
my organization and was told that the conflict between us was likely caused by
personal differences. These personal differences centered around the fact that
I had children and a healthy marriage and was able to manage that with a very
strong career focus at a young age. There was nothing I could do to change this
situation as it appeared that incompatible personal values caused her to push
against me (Whetton & Cameron, 2016).
The conflict between Ann
and I caused environmentally induced stress, which only further increased the
conflict between us (Whetton & Cameron, 2016). I began to lose my
confidence in negotiations and was timid around her, which caused her to believe
I wasn’t as strong as I knew I could be. I started dreading work and as a
result I lost the dedication to it that I normally felt. I didn’t talk to Ann
directly because I had already been told that our issue was one that I simply
couldn’t fix. Instead, I sat at my desk in fear that Ann would come by and bark
at me; I was miserable!
After six months in the
new role, I had to do something as the tension between us was getting
unbearable. Ury (2010) suggested that when tempers rise, you must “hide the
poison arrows” and dedicate time to sit down and talk. This is exactly what I
did. I set up a one-hour long session with Ann to explain my feelings and try
to move forward. My role in this conversation was the initiator, which meant
that I had to take ownership of my own feelings and describe the specific
behaviors that were causing me to feel badly when dealing with Ann (Whetton
& Cameron, 2016). I explained to Ann that the tension between us was
causing me to lose focus on my work, which was bad for both of us.
I forgot that it’s easy
to lose sight of the other person’s perspective when you are involved in a
conflict and the conversation with Ann helped remind me that there are two
sides to every story. Sometimes we fill in the blanks on what we think is
happening instead of actually asking others this question directly. To address
our conflict, I ignored the you vs. me dynamic and chose instead to take the
third side. As a result, I was able to look at the dynamic between Ann and I
from the balcony and find a clearer path towards resolving our issues (Ury,
2010). Ann explained to me that she did not feel any personal dislike for me
and in fact she thought I was doing a great job in my new role. She explained
that she has a very tough personality and sometimes a cold exterior and that
may cause people to think she doesn’t like them, but this couldn’t be further
from the truth. Ann suggested that we continue to meet at least once every two
weeks to talk about how my role was going, so I set up bi-weekly one-on-ones
moving forward.
Knowing what I
know now, I would have had a discussion with Ann much earlier. Because I kept
my feelings internal and failed to see her perspective, I lived in misery for
six months and may have even made things worse. Sabern(n.d.) reminded people
that the worst thing we can do is assume we know something instead of asking: “don’t
assume… ask! You’ll be amazed at what you can learn.”
Dealing with conflict
isn’t easy, but it’s possible if we can find a way to walk side by side in a
common direction (Ury, 2010). “It’s not easy, but it’s possible. It simply
depends on us” (Ury, 2010).
References
Saber, B. (n.d.)
Don’t assume..ask! Asking Matters. Retrieved from https://askingmatters.com/dont-assume-ask/
Ury, W. (2010,
December). The walk from “no” to “yes” [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hc6yi_FtoNo
Whetton, D. A. & Cameron, K. S. (2016). Developing management skills,
9th ed. Boston, MA: Pearson.
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