At
the core of an exceptional leader is the understanding and mastery of oneself
(Whetten & Cameron, 2016). This mastery of oneself, also referred to as
self-awareness, enables leaders to engage with followers in a way that
encourages them to work harder and more efficiently to accomplish the task at
hand. Although I would not yet classify myself as an exceptional leader, I have
no doubt that the five core aspects of my own self-awareness, which include:
(1) emotional intelligence, (2) values, (3) cognitive style, (4) attitudes
towards change, and (5) core self-evaluation, have matured throughout the
process of obtaining my graduate degree from Embry Riddle.
Although
these five core aspects are becoming stronger, I can say with certainty that I still
have a lot of room to grow in particular areas. Changes to my self-awareness
have happened at different stages, but I’d like to begin by focusing on the three
aspects that seem to be maturing most quickly.
First,
my attitude towards change is significantly different now than it was when I
started this degree program three years ago. I have always been very averse to
change, whether it be in my personal life or work life. When it came to holiday
planning over the years, my mother always described me to others as “so
traditional” when in reality, I just didn’t want anything to be different than
what I had been comfortable with growing up. In this course, however, the idea
that change is absolutely inevitable started to sink in differently than
ever before. This reality was described by Obolensky (2014) in his book Complex Adaptive Leadership: Embracing Paradox and
Uncertainty when
he described the changes around us today as “more dramatic than ever” (p. 5). Obolensky
(2014) taught me that in order to become comfortable with change, I need to
come to the realization that I can’t always be in control. I am learning to
become more tolerant with ambiguity and aware of how both internal and external
locusts of control change outcomes that directly affect me (Whetton &
Cameron, 2016). Coming to terms with this has matured my attitude towards
change and helped strengthen one of my core aspects of self-awareness.
Another
aspect of self-awareness that has grown during this degree program relates to
my core self-evaluation, or “big five” personality traits (Whetton & Cameron, 2016).
I am becoming more aware of which key attributes I am very strong in, like my
level of agreeableness and my conscientiousness. I have also targeted
attributes ripe for improvement like my lack of openness and my tendency to
stay more reserved in social situations. Oddly, I have also realized that I
display contradictory traits of neuroticism. I would categorize myself as somewhat
emotionally fragile and fearful, but at the same time I am typically optimistic
and positive. This fifth personality attribute, neuroticism, is something I
look forward to investing in more detail as this course continues.
Finally, I’ve become much more aware of my own cognitive
style as I continue to pursue my graduate degree. I have a very consistent way
in which I gather information and evaluate it. Before I started my graduate
program, I was somewhat fearful of asking others for information because I didn’t
want to reveal that I didn’t know something. During this process, however, I’ve
learned that the best leaders are those who are willing to acknowledge their
own weaknesses and ask for help. I’ve also learned that leadership can be both
downward and upward, which means it’s ok if I challenge my leaders when I believe
their approach is wrong. Barta and Barwise (2017) of McKinesy & Company even
suggested that horizontal leadership, including reaching across business unit
boundaries to lead peers will benefit individuals and the companies they work
for.
My comfort with my own cognitive style has made it easier
for me to react to stimulus around me, even though that stimulus can be
unpredictable and inconsistent. One thing I know for sure is that I prefer to
gather info by digging into the origin of decisions made within my organization.
Before I can gather information about how to address a specific problem, for
example, I spend a significant amount of time investigating the origin of the
problem. Through this process I become more confident in my proposed solution
and I feel more open to think creatively about next steps.
My attitude towards change, knowledge of my core
self-evaluation, and cognitive style have matured significantly throughout my
degree program, but I have areas that still need further growth. Although I
feel that my personal values are strong, I also struggle with knowing what the
“right” or “good” thing to do is in terms of balancing my career demands and my
family demands. I strongly value my career and I want to feel as if I’m
exceeding expectations at all times. With that said, I have young kids and I
want them to look back on their childhood and remember having me around to
guide them.
The three maturity levels presented by Whetton &
Cameron (2016) continue to perplex me as I can’t definitively say whether I
practice self-centered behavior, conformity, or principled. In my head and heart,
I believe I am principled, but when it came time to decide between “doing the
right thing” and “following the rules,” I’m honesty not sure which I would
choose. This is an area I hope to continue developing.
I’d also like to discover and develop my emotional
intelligence in greater detail. I do believe I am very strong when it comes to
emotional competency because I have great social skills and I have a reputation
of being able to get absolutely anyone on my side through working with them
collaboratively – even the toughest personalities. I am also good at picking up
the emotional cues of others and responding to them in a way that helps others
move past the situation they are facing, which is a sign of good emotional
intelligence. Unfortunately, I am also a very emotional person who sometimes
has a hard time hiding my feelings, which leads to a weaker level of emotional
intelligence. With these two attributes at odds, I’m not sure where I stand on
emotional intelligence and plan to continue exploring it.
As I’ve continued to mature and become a stronger leader,
the people around me are beginning to take notice. First, at home, my husband
has noticed how much better I am at controlling my emotions when I am forced away
from the house for business travel. On my last business trip at the beginning
of December, my husband commented at how impressed he was that I found
alternate ways to keep in touch with the girls and I didn’t once show uneasy
emotions like sadness or frustration. This is a result of my own conscientious
thinking and desire to become a more well-rounded leader at home and at work.
In the office, my ability to adapt to change has
definitely been recognized by one of my managers. Just last summer, I had an interesting
interaction with my director that proved her awareness of my changes. My
director came to my desk to tell me that the strategy I had been preparing to
present to our executive board would need to change at the last minute. When
she told me about this, she had a look of worry in her eyes as if she was
afraid I would be so frazzled by the change that I wouldn’t be able to reset
and get started on the new approach. When I calmly asked questions about what
drove the change of plans and began offering ways that we can expedite the new
strategy, her look of worry turned to a look of surprise and then excitement.
As I continue to mature throughout this degree program, I’d like to begin
setting up one-on-one meetings with those around me to actually ask them for an
assessment of my leadership style, with a focus on the aspects of
self-awareness that I believe need improvement.
References
Barta, T. & Barwise, P. (2017). Why effective
leaders must manage up, down, and sideways. McKinsey & Company. Retrieved
from https://www.mckinsey.com/global-themes/leadership/why-effective-leaders-must-manage-up-down-and-sideways
Obolensky, N. (2014). Complex Adaptive Leadership: Embracing Paradox and Uncertainty (2nd
ed.). New York, New York: Gower Publishing.
Whetton, D. A. & Cameron, K. S. (2016). Developing
management skills, 9th ed.
Boston, MA: Pearson.
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